The Big House
Bel Air, CA
2304 Donella Circle
This modern take on a Mayan Temple is a little boxy and glassy for my tastes. But I deeply appreciate the reach back to ancient civilization to recreate a timeless classic that truly stands out in a sea of contemporary homes.
From the “Everything Old Is New Again” files, I bring you this throwback from a bygone era that we thought had seen its day. The moment I laid eyes on it, I knew I’d seen it before. I’ve been to Chichen Itzá. I’ve seen the temples there, and they are truly impressive. I’m thinking the architect had recently been to Mexico or Central America and got inspired to build this by all majestic temples s/he saw there. I’m not sure that they were paying attention to the tour guide, because if you know anything about these temples, you know that they were mostly used for human sacrifice to appease the gods. They’d take the supplicant to the top, cut out his heart so he could see it beating as he died, then they’d cut off the head and toss it all down those lovely stepped terraces to a pit down below, with the bits and pieces of other supplicants. But that was then. Don’t let that make you think that the design wasn’t a good idea. You can see the resemblance. But thankfully, the world is out of the temple-building business. These days, we sacrifice the poor on the altar of republicanism. But if a house like this is what it gets you, it’s not hard to understand why. This house is proof that it’s really, really good to be rich!
Amenities
- Architect: Unknown
- 8 Bedrooms
- 11 Bathrooms
- 11,624 Sq. Ft.
- 3.3 Acre Lot
- 5 Car Garage
- Gated Driveway
- Gated Entrance
- Outdoor kitchen
- Wine Cellar
- Home Gym
- Elevator
- His/Hers Boutique Closets
- Master Bedroom Wet Bar
- Double-sided Gas Fireplace
- Accordion Doors to Patios
- Rooftop Party Area
- Privacy
LISTED FOR: $18,950,000
In My Opinion…
The narrator is from Turkey, so I can forgive him for thinking that this is modern architecture. It’s not. Only the building materials and furnishings are modern. But as you can see, the actual design of the house itself is ancient and timeless. And it’s really cheap for Los Angeles. That $19 million price tag tells you a lot about this house. This is a middle class home. It’s in Bel Air, with the right zip code. But at that price point, you’re not gonna get a lot of land for your money. The architect has to build vertically, because every cubic inch of space around it is taken up by freakin neighbors. Meaning this house breaks my first rule…PRIVACY. You’re not gonna get much of it in this house. But I don’t think the house was built for people who value their privacy. That’s a glass house. It was built for an owner that wants very much to stand out and be seen. And the stepped terrace construction of the house lends itself to that perfectly. From the moment you enter the house through the glass doors, you can see straight through to the back. You get a modicum of privacy from the gated entrance. But once you’re in, you’re treated to nothing but vistas of every room in the house.
This is clearly a home for someone with OCD. You’d have to be obsessively compulsively clean to want a house like this. It’s not a neatness-optional kind of house. You don’t get to have a fk it day, where you just don’t care if you hung up your clothes. It’s a performance house. It’s always “on”, ready to show itself off. Like a Vegas showgirl who always has to watch what she eats at every meal weigh herself five times a day, this house requires meticulous, constant housekeeping. Even a chair out of place at the dinner table looks messy from the outside. I couldn’t live like that. I have a kid. There would always be at least one room in my house that was completely nasty in that awful, teenager way. My whole house is lovely, and neat as a pin…except for my son’s room, which looks like he intentionally decorated it with toxic waste. This isn’t the kind of house where you could just shut the door and hope nobody notices the teenaged boy smell coming from his shoes. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING has to be in its place, because it can be seen from outside.
Which means that this isn’t a family house. This is a place to show off to local gold diggers and wannabe starlets so you can get laid. You don’t buy a house like this for the wife and kids. The last thing you’d want with a house this open is playpens in the living room, or balls and toys all over the house. This house practically screams “I hate kids!!!” Having to clean their sticky handprints off of all that glass would be a full-time job. No, this is the kind of house that you show off. You can’t really live there because this isn’t that kind of house. But what you CAN do is throw some killer parties, making this the perfect L.A. bachelor pad. If you can afford the $18 million dollar price tag and BMW, this beautiful house will definitely get you laid.
Among the amenities of the house is the ability to open up those terraces and turn your indoor spaces into outdoor spaces. For me, this is one of those “good in theory, but not in practice” concepts, because I hate mosquitos and flies…passionately. Opening up my house to creepy crawlies and flies just isn’t my thing. But if you don’t care, this house offers some unique amenities, in that being situation on the side of a hill facing a lake, you don’t really have to worry about people seeing into your bedroom or private spaces. You really could throw open the bedroom doors to the terrace and walk around naked. Nobody’s gonna see you without binoculars. Every bedroom has its own private balcony so guests can wake up and enjoy the view in private. Combined with the public areas which also open up to a terraced balcony with accordion doors, you can basically turn the entire house into an outdoor space. Again, good in theory…
To me, this house is less of a home and more of a party space. If what you want is to invite friends from out of town, host parties and impress the ladies, this is the how you do L.A. Personally, it would bore me to tears to have a bunch of freeloaders always hanging out at my house looking for a good time. But that’s me. I’m a very private person. I’m a family home kinda girl. But in my pre-baby days, I coulda rocked this one. Really hard. It’s a beautiful home if you’ve got access to a cleaning service and you don’t feel a need to kick up your feet and just be at home. But if you’ve got (or want) the kind of lifestyle that requires this kind of home, this one will definitely stand out as unique.
Walk the Neighborhood
The Google image for this location seems to be out of date, as if the house was still under construction when they took the picture. But if you go to Google maps, you’ll see that this is the right address. And you’ll see what I meant when I said that every cubic inch of space is covered with freakin neighbors, and not the good kind if you’ve spent $19 million dollars for a Bel Air home. The houses look really of dated, like they were built in the 70’s and 80’s. It’s very “Brady Bunch”. That might by why this house was priced under $20 million dollars. It’s right up the street from Bel Air nails and Leo’s Electric and Plumbing. I would say that this is probably a neighborhood in flux. I’d be willing to bet that it won’t be the last new home like this one on the block. This neighborhood looks like a tear down. Not that theres anything wrong with these vintage homes. It’s just that they’re remnants of a bygone era in California living. This house represents a new era…a 21 century California lifestyle. By building more homes like this one, they’re gonna make a ton of money and drive the property values up so high that the Leo’s Electric and Plumbing won’t be able to afford to stay in the neighborhood once they’re done.