The Big House
Bal Harbour, FL
1000 Biscayne Blvd. , Unit 5401
This $80,000,000 beach house in Florida is right up my alley. I'm a sucker for Italianate Architecture, and what's not to love about 17 bathrooms…unless you're cleaning them.
Other than the fact that it’s warm year round, the architecture is incredible, the food is delicious and it has some of the most spectacular beaches in the world, I have no use for Florida. Let’s face it…it’s still the Deep South, as evidenced by its terrible schools and its racist, criminal governor. If the governor had his way, hospitals would have to go back to treating people with leeches, and I have no doubt that Floridians would actually vote for that. Other than that, I can hardly wait to move there! After I get rich, that is, because this is not a state for poor folk. You’re either one of the Haves, the Have Mores, or the Have Nothings. Florida has managed to whittle its middle class down to a nub. But if you’ve got money, Florida is anything you want it to be. And I want it to be a house like this. What I’m not feeling is the 700 stairs sitting on the front of the house. Seriously, why? You’d think in a state dominated by seniors that builders would see stairs as a big “KEEP OUT” sign for people with disabilities.
Amenities
- 7 Bedrooms
- 7 Full Bathrooms
- 4 Half Bathrooms
- 12,255 Sq. Ft.
- 3.3 Acre Lot
- Wine Cellar
- Gas Fireplace
- 3 Car Garage
- In-floor Heating
- Wood and Stone Cladding
- Outdoor Lighting
- Forest views from every window
- 25' Floor to ceiling windows
- Privacy
LISTED FOR: $50,000,000
In My Opinion…
While I am not a fan of this style of home, I included this one in my showcase because…well, damn! Look at it. Floor to ceiling windows across the front of the house, a forest view from every window, the cathedral ceilings, and slate flooring with in-floor heating, so no froze toes indoors and no shoveling snow outdoors…a fact that warms this Chicago girl’s heart! What’s not to love about all that natural light streaming through the trees to flood the interior of the house? It must be absolutely glorious to wake up in the mornings to rooms, flooded with all that beautifully-filtered sunshine.
I get tingly Aspen vibes from this $44 million dollar California cabin. The house is a work of architectural art that manages to be majestic and stately, but it’s totally livable. It doesn’t feel like a museum like most luxury homes. All those beautiful lines and angles lead the eye upwards to take in the extraordinary height of the cathedral ceilings. It pretty much demands that your eyes follow those lovely contours to absorb the grandeur of its simple but elegant design. But what I love most about the architecture is the honest and natural flow between indoors and outdoors. Open the doors to the backyard, and not only do you have an amazing party setup, it all feels like one big unified space instead of two disparate and distinct spaces. Whoever built this house knew a thing or two about creating symbiosis and symmetry between indoors and outdoors.
The big wooden beams, stone fireplace, and cabin-like feel of the wood and stone cladding on the outside creates an effortless transition between inside and outside that makes the house feel like its not just “in” the woods, but actually a part of it…as if it had grown there in Nature with the rest of the landscaping.And that landscaping looks absolutely spectacular. I say that because it doesn’t look like somebody spent a shitload of money on it, though clearly they did. It was carefully thought out to avoid that manicured look so common to most luxury homes in that price range. Instead it gives the appearance of wild growth that manages to perfectly complement the house, while peacefully coexisting with the bonafide wild growth around it.
But what really blew my mind is the way they designed the lighting so that the house practically glows at night. It’s like they reversed the polarity of the house. It’s flooded with natural light during the day, but glows like a paper lantern at night, illuminating the surrounding woods like some kind of Lord of the Rings elven forest, rendering the house clearly visible from the lake. You can’t see the lake, but the lake can definitely see you. Entertaining outdoors at nights is not only a must in that house, that lighting practically demands that you throw killer all-night parties out there. I know I would!
Walk the Neighborhood
This house is so spectacular that there’s no getting to it with Google Maps. The trucks weren’t allowed to map it. The closest I could get you is to the front gate, which looks like it sits about a half mile from the actual house. Walk around if you like, but let me save you the trouble…there’s nothing there. This is one of those places where you can bone butt naked on the bedroom patio, because ain’t nobody gonna see you. They’re not gonna hear you either, so scream if you want to. God help you if you ever need to run to the neighbor’s house for help.